155 - The Big 4-0

I realized today that I've been focusing on everything that has gone wrong over the last year... because let's face it, it's more than enough to keep a person's mind occupied. I've been stressed about the two closings and all the associated logistics. I've been stressing about a lot of things. There is a lot on my plate right now and not much of it good. I also admit that I was somewhat bitter because I'm turning 40 and there won't be much fanfare to it... won't be able to afford that tattoo I've been trying to get for the last six years... my friends are mostly back in Texas... no big night out. I had hoped by 40 my life might be different but here it is, the same old song and dance.

Then I decided it's counterproductive to think that way. Life is what it is. Once you hit bottom you get a clean slate Two days after my birthday we get the chance to start our new life in earnest, and that is a gift. As for my actual birthday, we're going to Lebanon where there is a decent Mexican restaurant, and on the way back we'll pick up our appliances and move them into the house. Granted, it's no Chuy's, and I won't have Joey to dance and lip sync and make me laugh, but I also won't have to battle Mandy for the jalapeno ranch dip, fearing the whole time that she might stab me... it will be nice nonetheless.

So if I can't focus on the negative, what am I thankful for?

I am thankful that despite our hardships, Mike and I are still best friends. We're, perhaps, closer than before because of our struggles. It's hard to say because it seems like (as adults) we've always had a bond. I can say that we know each other far better than we did when we started out, for better or worse as they say (on both sides so that you don't think that was a jab), and we love each other very much. Otherwise we wouldn't have made it. For my part, I admire him for working as hard as he does. He doesn't pick easy jobs, and when there's work to do, he gives it his all. He's had a lot on his shoulders this year and I hope the coming weeks remove some of that burden.

I am thankful that I was able to take a year off and see the southeastern United States. It wasn't always a bowl of cherries but we did meet several nice people along the way and we saw some gorgeous scenery. We certainly sampled a lot of wine along the way, and luckily two of my favorites are local.

I am thankful for friends and family who have put us up, and put up with us for the last year. There are several people who have helped us out, whether by providing a place for us to stay, lending us money, giving us work, or generally helping us get where we want to be. I don't like that it had to happen, but it did and they deserve our thanks. This has been an especially humbling year: My mom and dad, my grandma, my cousin Jason, Brian, my sister-in-law Christi, Hannah and Bombdog, Fern and Maria, and Ernie. Especially Ernie. I called him my surrogate husband when Mike was in Afghanistan and he has gone above and beyond for us for many, many months. Also Dave, who ultimately made it possible for us to get this house without having to sweat the closing date of my Texas house, and Beverly, who is purchasing that house. Friends who encouraged us in general like Kirk, Debra, Stacy, Tracy and Glori.

I am thankful that I was able to spend time with my family. I got to glimpse into our history through photos and stories which my grandmother and aunt shared. I also got to spend time with my parents when we were stuck in Houston. I'm thankful that Mike and I had extra time to spend with his family.

Right now I'm listening to the birds and looking out at trees. This afternoon I got to enjoy a thunderstorm (whereas yesterday as I drove through one... I did not enjoy it). I've noticed that storms here are brief but volatile. There are weird spots in the road where all of a sudden your windshield will fog up for a second and then it will go away. The steam from the ground wafts up into the mountains and you understand why they call them Smokies. I drive around, look out my window and catch myself constantly thinking, "gorgeous," whether it's a mountainside filled with trees, a holler taken over by kudzu, a small farming community with rocky outcroppings, a narrow bridge with a gorgeous view (even if some of that view does belong to the Gore's), roads turned into tunnels by the trees branches that cross over it, or rocky gorges formed when they cut a road through the mountain. And water... creeks, rivers, waterfalls... water everywhere. I am thankful for all that, too, because I get to live it day in and day out for the rest of my life, with my best friend, and that is more than I ever dared to dream.

So now I'm going to make myself a salad and watch a couple of movies. Mike is still in Alabama working with Jason and hopefully we'll get to chat tonight. I think he and Jason were going to go canoeing after work today and I know he loves being on the water so that's awesome. Good workout, too. I'm sure at some point we'll get a canoe or some kind of boat... too much water around here not to take advantage of it.

154 - The Rollercoaster at Kristy and Mike's House of Horrors

So in my last blog post, everything was hunky dory...

You may have noticed there hasn't been another post since...

You may have postulated why...

As soon as everything seemed to be coming together, the curveballs started coming fast and hard.

First, Mike passed the majority of the pre-employment testing with flying colors. Unfortunately, his heart rate stayed 2-10 beats per minute higher than was acceptable. So it's not a "no," it's a "no for now." He will be re-tested in three weeks, in Tennessee this time, and if his heart rate comes down this time, he will have a job. If not, he will have to get a release from a cardiologist in order to get the job. I'm slightly worried because his heart rate has always been high, but mostly I think it's our sedentary lifestyle and frequenting of restaurants for the past year that is the problem.

We went to the store and bought healthy stuff... salads, sandwiches, veggies and chicken. For breakfast we are having Rose's fruit and yogurt concoction with walnuts. And yesterday evening we went for a walk around Granville. I have the blister on my foot to prove it... I don't have walking shoes with me. That's pretty much the plan... drink a lot of water, get active, and eat at home/eat better.

So for the next several days, Mike is headed to Alabama, in fact he just left. He will be helping my cousin with his concrete business. That will help us augment what money we have left and should get us by until the proceeds from the sale of my house and/or the roustabout job comes through.

Second, the closing on my house slipped from the 24th to the 1st of July, possibly the 2nd of July. That turned out to be the worst news of all because the seller would not sign another extension. We think he has another buyer interested and got tired of dealing with our delays and conditions. I don't blame him, but from our perspective that doesn't stop it from sucking. We've invested money in this house, but more, we've invested what little hope we have left. Yes, we would have money (since we wouldn't have to use our new savings as a downpayment), but we probably won't find another owner finance situation with a house and land as nice as this one.

Luckily, just this morning, we were able to find the money, and we are going to close on the 28th at 2 pm. And, I guess there are no hard feelings, because the owner said as soon as we have the funds in the bank and a firm closing date, we can start moving things in if we want to. I've also worked a similar deal which helps my buyers and us. They're paying a prorated amount and I'm handing the keys over early. For us it helps offset the cost of my mortgage for the days I wasn't expecting to pay for, for them, they are anxious to be moved in before the wedding. If I didn't know them, and if they weren't definitely approved, I wouldn't, but she's a good friend and I feel like this is win-win.

This process is exhausting. The constant shifting dates and uncertainty... the scheduling and rescheduling... the logistics of it all... it's all very stressful. Sometimes what will be, will be... and sometimes you have to force it. I know we were meant to be here, it feels like home and has since we stepped off the plane. While I usually look for signs that things are meant to be, I think sometimes you have to prove you want it. I think we've proved it. Fucking hell, we've paid the price and then some. I have to believe that from here on out, things are going to get easier.

So that's the update... hopefully nothing changes (unless it's for the better).