113 - American Badass

So Mike is in Pittsburgh again. We got up this morning and he drove to the airport... since we couldn't afford the autopilot module for the truck, guess who drove back? Guess who was not a happy camper? Guess who had to get over it? Each leg of the trip was an hour and a half... that's a lot of driving when you're nervous. The worst part is that when I get nervous, and especially when I'm nervous and cold... I end up having to pee. It comes on suddenly, and it is almost immediately urgent. So about ten minutes out from the airport I'm already feeling like a potty break, and then once we got to the airport I had to get past the hospital district before I could find a place that I was willing to stop at. I decided to get gas while I was there but the pump was so dang slow that I cut it off at $15... about four gallons... which means I will have to get gas again if I go anywhere. There's a station just up the road so it's not bad, just sucks that I couldn't fill up while I was there.

Actually the airport itself was easy - there was no one there; hope it's that way when I pick him up. There were bits and pieces of the trip home that made me nervous, but all in all it wasn't bad, there's not a lot of traffic on 85% of the route. There were some pretty narrow roads, but the speed limit was 40-45 mph in those parts so that helped. Actually the worst part for me was the last few miles because even though the roads don't get any narrower, there is a soft shoulder with a steep dropoff into the water... and that makes me nervous because it feels narrower. There are also a lot of twists and turns which might be fun in the Mini or the Green Machine, but not so much in the truck.

Stopped off to get groceries on the way back since I saw a Publix. They carry arugula. You just don't know... I love arugula. I don't even make it fancy... arugula, lime juice, salt and a little shredded parmesan... Heaven. They also had the good ginger ale... Buffalo Rock. If you can find it, get you some, it actually tastes like ginger, not that lame sprite-with-a-hint-of-something-spicy that passes for ginger ale where we're from. It's very spicy. And good for your tummy.

Then I came home and rearranged everything. I moved the couch in front of the tv and put the recliners where the couch used to be. I like it. It's warmer and the windows are easier to get to, there's more light. I figure we don't have to put the slides in any time soon so we have options now. Now we can both sit on the couch. :) Rearranging the sofa meant I had to find a home for all the crap around the dining room table that was bugging me anyway, which led to laundry, which led to moving things around on the counter, which led to putting things in the truck, which led to vacuuming the floor, which led to rearranging the truck, which led to washing dishes... It just wasn't as simple as moving furniture... It never is, is it?

Tomorrow the adjuster is supposed to come by and evaluate the damage to our RV. Glad to finally be able to get that going. I hope I can find a mobile RV repair person here, it's not only convenient, it's kind of necessary. We really can't take the RV in to have it repaired. That last stint in the shop was horrible, if it hadn't been for friends I don't know what we would have done, and I refuse to go through that again. I want to be in my own home with my own stuff, comfortable at last. We deserve that after everything we have been through. The only thing that makes me sad is, I thought my computer was damaged by the surge because the speakers kept buzzing and the music would hang up every few seconds, but it only happened at grandma's house so I guess it was something related to her plug. Phooey.

Doing a lot of thinking lately. I've come to the conclusion that Mike and I get too wrapped up in trying to make things happen. It's hard to be patient, we both feel like we got a late start on our life together and I think we're trying to make up for lost time. But you can't. You have to start where you start and face the consequences of each decision you make, sometimes decisions you made years ago. It's frustrating to find that we are no closer to where we want to be than we were last year. Feels like we're further away in many respects.

I used to believe things would fall into place if they were meant to, and to be honest, that approach seemed to work. It's hard when there are two of you, each trying to please the other and sometimes both misunderstanding what the other actually wants. That's kind of what happened in April. Mike thought I wanted him home at the end of April, he planned on staying through June, I thought he was staying through the end of May... it got all confused and we both got it wrong. As much as we talk about things, as well as we think we communicate, sometimes we miss the mark. I think this last year has taught us to really think things through, to step back and look at the big picture, because instant gratification isn't always so gratifying long-term. If only there was a rewind button...